Thank You, Mr. Rejection

Learning to be grateful for the answer no has changed my life. Here's how.

I saw this quote on Pinterest the other day, and it struck a chord in me.

To spare the long story as to why it matters to me, and get on to why it should matter to you, I'll give an abridged version. I moved a month ago to Tennessee to pursue a career in the music industry. Much to my surprise, no one offered me a job the second I logged onto LinkedIn, and I'm currently working as a full-time barista and part-time retail worker to avoid obliterating my savings account. I'm living the dream. Not my dream, but maybe someone else's.

I kid, I kid. I am lucky as hell to have the support I have back home, and the support I've quickly found here. I am beyond blessed to have two jobs within a month of moving across the country. I am seriously so happy that, at 23, I got to move to whatever city I wanted to plant some roots and pursue my dream. (There, do I sound like less of a brat for being disappointed in certain aspects of my circumstances now?)

Now, with a ton of job rejection comes a ton of emotion. There's imposter syndrome, sadness, anger, and self-doubt, to name a few. Cue Google. All I do in my spare time is look up ways to stay positive, articles on how to pursue your dreams when you're working unfulfilling jobs, et cetera et cetera. And while a lot of that advice is repetitive, seemingly juvenile and honestly just not very good at salvaging my spirit, there are a few diamonds in the rough that turn my frown back around.

One of the pieces of advice I saw over and over was to be grateful. I am someone who has a gratitude journal. I sit in cafés and stare off into the distance while sipping coffee and thanking the universe for its abundance. So why am I not managing Beyonce? I'm positive! I'm thankful!

A piece of advice that took it one step further was the recommendation to show gratitude for rejection. To be thankful for the nos. Initial thought: lol no.

Let me tell you, friend, my inbox is literally a minefield of rejection right now. Between coupons for things I used to buy but can no longer afford and spam, there lie about 100 emails that say "thanks, but no thanks." These emails had me in a teary-eyed heap on my couch a few weeks ago.

But, here's the thing. I should be thankful for the nos. When I get a formal rejection letter, I research the company and realize that I don't want to work there anyway. I applied to these places out of sheer fear when I got here. I was going after the money, not the dream. Come to find out, I'm getting rejected at places that have 2-star Glassdoor reviews.  Thank you, universe.

Now I am being more selective and dumping more time into refining the process. No more meaningless cubicle jobs. All these rejections have made me realize that I was selling myself way short. I deserve a “hell yes”, but I don't want it from just anyone anymore. I want it from a workplace where I'll be valued. I am not sure I'm articulating this correctly, but it's in alignment with the quote above. In the process of being told no, I've realized that these no's are maybe partially because I'm unqualified, but also partially because they're not meant for me. I'm meant for greater.

Side note- all these no's are building a thick skin. Soon, people will have told me no enough times that I may gleefully embrace them and take down their address to send them my Christmas card.

In all seriousness, no is a hard word to hear. But I am happy for rejection from workplaces. I don't want to be anywhere where the answer is anything short of a "hell yes." I want to work somewhere where I'm appreciated, and the no's are letting me off the hook.

Rejection is a tell-tale sign that I'm moving forward. You can't get rejected by a company you don't apply to. While it really sucks that I'm not salaried or doing anything I'm remotely interested in career-wise, I am trying. It's proof of effort, of upward mobility. And the fact that I have so many shows me that I can be rejected and not be completely stopped in my tracks. Sure, it's discouraging for a minute. But in the grand scheme of things, no isn't going to kill me.

I think I needed to prove that to myself before I could rise up to the occasion, and be the person I need to be to aim for- and land- these jobs that I want. I deserve to work for a company I want to work for. Damn it, we all do!

Also, have you ever heard about how Thomas Edison made like 10,000 light bulb prototypes before he finally found the one that worked? That’s thousands of no's and I'm sure the urge to throw in the towel was strong. But if he'd stopped, we wouldn't have light bulbs. So, some of my 10,000 no's are already done. The time was going to pass anyway, so I'm glad I got some of the rejection out of the way up front. Statistically, someone has to say yes at some point. My light bulb is coming. Lord help me if it's 10,000 rejection emails away. But I'm not going to give up and deny myself that light bulb.

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I've loosely, maybe entirely inaccurately, tied this photo to my personal life, but let's drift over to the obvious connection. This quote is about love and romantic relationships. The original image was dramatically written on a piece of paper with torn edges, and the I's were dotted with little teardrops. (Ok, that's a lie but you understand the sentiment. It was totally cheesy.)

A couple of years ago, I fell way too hard for this guy. He's a perfectly alright dude, hindsight 20/20, but our lives do not match up in terms of goals and it was doomed from the start. Also, I wanted it to work out for all of the wrong reasons and it's safe to say any interest he had in me was misplaced considering his messy love life.

I'll spare everyone the gory details because they honestly don't matter. Everything ended up going not so well, and this was still fairly early on in my self-growth journey. I was only in therapy for about 6 months when ~the rejection~ came down the line, and it wrecked me. (Don’t worry, confidence was and is still a core pillar of the work I do in therapy and I can happily report I don't think his rejection had anything to do with me.) Time healed all wounds, and now I can look back on all of that and laugh.

But, when I was in the thick of it, I swore up and down that I would never be loved, that I was fucked up as a person, and that I was not at all worthy of the affection of another person. I cried about it when people brought it up for an embarrassingly long time. When I saw this quote, I thought about him instantly. It's crazy to think so much of my worth depended on him for so long. Like, so crazy. Because now I think I'm the fucking bomb no matter what any man thinks of me. It's a good place to be.

I needed that rejection to get here though. Him rejecting me, and me reacting so adversely, dug up so much that I needed to work on. My therapist required me to integrate positive affirmations (which I live by and will be featured many, many times in posts to come.) I had to admit why I didn't feel I was enough for him, and believe it or not, it had nothing to do with him and a whole lot to do with my inner monologue.

His rejecting me literally tore off the band-aid and forced me to stitch myself back together. I drunkenly screamed at him to block my number, and he followed my instructions. Had he not, though, I would literally send him a big honking thank you text.

I am so grateful for his no. It saved me actual months, or potentially years of time in a relationship that never would've made sense for either of us. And, he would've been dating a girl who hated herself and sought him for validation. His no saved a lot of energy, and time, and tears. I mean, I cried a lot but all of the tears ended up being productive, so I really can't even be upset about it.

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All of these anecdotal ramblings to say: rejection is something to be grateful for. Though it's not ever the desired outcome, it's necessary and it's inevitable. We can either welcome it with open arms or shrink. I've decided that if my dreams are ever going to come true, I better pull up a chair next to rejection because he's not going anywhere. But this mindset shift has been a game-changer.

It's way less scary to apply for that job now. It's much less intimidating to go after what I want in any realm of my life, really, because I know rejection is just another step on the way to my yes.

Big picture: Whatever doesn't want you, isn't meant for you. And you should thank it for getting the hell out of your way.